Summertime and the living is easy??

    Ok, ok I know I went MIA for a hot minute, but this blogging thing is very time consuming ;)  Anyway, this summer seriously did fly by, and I find myself now planning a first birthday.  Every time I think I am going to get choked up I remember I have toilets to scrub and poopy diapers to change and my real emotions are pushed aside.  Mommy duty calls, and there is NO TIME FOR TEARS LADIES!!!  I digress, the real reason for this post comes from a Facebook status update I posted I believe in May about "vacationing" with our then 8 month old.  I was laughing so hard at the response I got from my fellow mommy friends and then I was mad that you guys didn't give me a heads up about how AWFUL a simple trip out of town can be!!!!

    

     I remember during my pregnancy, BD and I were romanticizing how awesome it was going to be to incorporate our little buddy into our everyday life, including travel.  I really think we had these delusions of grandeur of our child eating oysters and sipping champagne in Napa with us... Seriously, can't you just picture a 6 month old who is happy, doesn't cry, never has teething issues and can sleep anywhere?!  And of course, as they get older it just keeps getting easier, right?!  UGH, NO!!!! 

    Vacation now, is like what one of my mommy friends said "Traveling with your kids is a trip, traveling without them is a vacation"... or something along those lines.  Needless to say, our "vacation" to Tahoe turned into a trip from Hell.  We had already taken little dude out of town, and honestly he was fine.  It took him about a day to adjust sleep wise, but otherwise he was good and quiet and happy.  The only thing we did find quite amusing is that going out of town is basically packing up your kid's room and playroom and moving it into a hotel room and then just hanging in the hotel room.  So after cramming the Prius full of everything Zaiden could possibly need, we hit the road!  All was well until about 90 minutes into the drive.  We had just passed Modesto and our awesome car traveler started having a mental breakdown, as in we pulled over in Ripon (Yes, Ripon) to Target and began to assess the situation.  BD went into Target to get some Advil just in case, because of course I didn't pack it, and I began to bounce my son around the Target parking lot.  It was in this moment, my dear friends, that BOTH BD and I thought, internally, "We should just head home".  But did either one of us speak up?  No... And that right there is the perfect example of why communication is sooooo important.  Somehow, we did actually make it to Tahoe and we did manage to squeeze in a yummy Bloody Mary.  But the rest of the trip was filled with sleepless nights, shushing, rocking, walks, and exhaustion.  It was so bad; we actually have not one single picture of the trip.  We both decided to pretend as if we never took the trip.  We have erased it from our memories, and the only reason I speak of it now is so hopefully someone out there learns from our stubborn mistake.  I mean, listen, our sweet little boy popped out a tooth not 2 days later so it really was a rookie mistake.  But let's just say mama and baba are SUPER excited about their for reals vacation to LA in a month.  Woo hoo!  Parents Gone WILD!!!

    Seriously, how much crap does one tiny person need??!!

I heart Rachel Zoe

Ok am I the only one who just LOVES Rachel Zoe???  I die... I actually want to be her.  Well, not all of her.  I can go without the super skinny body.  But seriously her clothes, her hair, her vintage, even her lingo.  I want to call everything "maj" (short for major), I want a traveling hairstylist and makeup artist that make me look maj every single day, I want to be boho chic ALL the time, I want to carry around a Venti Starbucks drink 24/7 and I want to boss my husband around all day like he is my bitch.  Sorry Rodger, but you kind of are Rachel's biotch...  And seriously who wouldn't want her closet, I think I just peed my pants thinking about it.  Anyway, the point of all of this is I cannot get over how bad I feel for her son.  It is very cute that he is actually a live doll to her, but there is no way an active toddler wants to wear linen pants, a collared shirt under a blazer with a fedora.  I find myself wondering how many times he outfit changes, because I don't know about "Sky- Sky" but Zaiden looks like a hot mess at the end of the day.  I mean, stains on his onesie, sticky strands of hair, raw knees from crawling and drool 24/7.  Now, in his .99 cent Gerber onesie I don't mind, but if he was wearing an $85 Burberry jumper... I would literally die.  Plus, I don't know about anyone else out there but I just want him to be comfortable.  We save being fashionable for holidays, or parties or hanging with friends.  And even then I feel bad the whole time because he looks sooooo uncomfortable.  Deep down I hope he is a little vain when he gets older and dresses nice and takes care of himself, but for now I just want him to be a baby.  I believe in fashion, and I really believe in fashionable young boys, but I am also realistic that no matter how much I want to train Zaidie to be fashion forward, the day will come when I lay out a pair of slim jeans, with a cool v-neck and a hat to match and he is going to come walking out in pajama pants with an Elmo shirt and rain boots on... Ahhhh... C'est la vie

That does not look like a happy Skyler to me there, but I am in love with Rachel's outfit!

Hor... Mones

     I mean, really?!  Where does one even start when it comes to the roller coaster that is a woman's hormones on an average day, let alone a pregnant woman, a nursing mom or just a new mom for that matter.  There are days where the diarrhea that comes out of my mouth is mind boggling.  It is like an outer body experience.  I sometimes feel as if I am losing my mind, and to be told that it is completely normal makes it all the more frustrating.  You know your emotions are getting the best of you when you find solace in Words with Friends.  There are times when BD (that's baby daddy) is just saying hello and at that precise moment I feel like I could rip his eyeballs out, like RIP his eyeballs out... I'm pretty sure I get the crazy face going too and that's usually the end of the conversation because even he can see it is going nowhere. I'm also pretty sure I have blamed BD for all my shortcomings, cried while watching Sprout with my son, cried at the grocery store, cried in my car, cried with the baby, cried at the baby, cried to my mom and of course cried in Target. I have cried a lot since the boy was born, all because of hormones. All because it just wasn't enough that I gave my body up for my baby I also need to give up my sanity. I long for days with no tears, a perkier ass and boobs and maybe surgery where I can shave off some of these child bearing hips.  Still, I will settle just to have my sanity back and I am pretty sure that is all BD would like back as well, and obviously he would like the perkier body parts.

 Oh and on a side note- to all my friends reading this that don't have kids yet, it is totally worth it... I promise.

Lulu... Huh?

I really do feel like when you become a mom you lose a little bit of your coolness.  You become a little more unaware of what is current, and you start to have Sesame Street songs in your head rather than the newest Lana Del Rey track.  I mean, in my mind, I am obviously still VERY cool and current but I felt a little uncool when Facebook was becoming saturated with posts about Lululemon and I had no idea what it was. 

Listen, Fresno does this thing that I have literally only seen here... We take a trend/fad and we beat it to the ground.  From upscale steakhouses, to clothes, to purses, to cellphones, even Montessori school.  The lifespan of all of these trends is usually 6-12 months, so seriously kudos to all the local businesses that have spanned decades. 

 So back to Lululemon, I obvi (I'm a fan of Shoshanna on Girls so look out for these amaze words) looked this company up and saw that it was a high end workout clothing company.  As in, my ass better look like Jessica Alba's when I put on your pants high end.  Then, I realized that all the moms out there are wearing their gear, and my mind literally went into "keep up with the Jones'" mode.  My Champion, by Target, pants weren't looking so cool anymore.  But I could not get myself to seriously spend that kind of money on stretchy pants.  First off, I have a kid now, Lululemon, so I don't have the same disposable funds of my yesteryears.  Second, as much as I hate to admit it I am NOT a real exerciser.  I'm one of those fake ones, you know the ones that run errands in workout clothes hoping that strangers think I am some yoga-going, kale drinking, range rover driving stay at home mom.  Who am I kidding?!  Needless to say I just became a website voyeur, always looking but never buying.  Kind of like on Facebook, always looking but never commenting.  So I guess where I am going with this is, it has officially happened.  I'm an uncool mom who wears leggings from Forever 21, and the most exercising I do is pick up my glass of wine.  So, sorry Zaidie but mommy is just in survival mode and maybe one day you can help me be cool once again.

Jessica Alba's ass... Ummmm yeah

Getting Started

Blogging... It seems soooo narcissistic.  I cannot believe I didn't start this sooner!  However, my life not too long ago was full of booze, cigarettes and bad choices.  So, obviously I didn't have time to sit down and write about said things.  Now I'm a mom, a stay at home mom at that, and as much as I love mopping tile floors during nap time I feel like I need something fresh, something adult, something funny.  I don't quite know the direction I am headed with this, but I feel like I want it to be honest and gritty... The REAL motherhood.  So, when inspiration comes I will write, when I have some LOL moments between my son and myself I will write, and when I want to kill my baby daddy I will write.  You're welcome.

PS. I quit the cigarettes, and "lightened" up on the booze so no need to call CPS

Look at that face, how could I not be inspired?!